Welp, this is my very FIRST blog post. I know, I know—I’m a decade late to the party. You’ll have to forgive me, I was drinking wine from a box that whole time. I don’t know man, I just plain ol’ don’t believe in……. viral diary entries. I’m a goddamn storyteller, not an easily-offended millennial. Just ask Erin Murphy (@ErinMurphy1229 on Instagram) and she’ll tell you: “Ehhhh just take what he says with a grain of salt, he likes to tell stories ya know?” Per the multiple E-mails and requests from my editor, Valerie—I finally gave in. I’m about to publish some actual stories–with plots, characters and everything, so it’s time for you to snuggle up with my writing style.
Sooo here’s a little about me: My name is Kyle Lang Balmer. There was talk about me creating a penname as my first novel is about Murder and the beta-readers (lovers) I’ve shown it to immediately grew terrified and stopped speaking to me. “When I was reading it, I thought to myself: This boy ain’t right.” -One Nubian Goddess texted. After, I was completely ghosted. Alas, In the end, I’ve chosen to keep my actual name. My love life lies in dust, so I no longer mind.
Mr. Balmer is a thirty-three-year-old fitness manager who still lives with his gamblin’ degenerate mother. She just sold his maroon leather jacket on Facebook Marketplace. He’s a disgrace. He’s full of passions and skills but inner demons always manifest and stomp all over his success. The last thing he has left is some witty wordplay.
Trevor LaGrange is a serial killer who utilizes a playlist to commit murder in Mr. Balmer’s FICTION piece– “Murder Playlist”. Trevor is an unemployed deviant who commits murder and voyeurism to a playlist on his Spotify app. He falls in love with one of his “victims” and together, they use music and social media to create the first viral serial killer. The only thing K +T have in common is the same love for music and the burden of a little somethin’ called Tinnitus. My next blog post will feature the first 5 page of Murder Playlist. It will be on Amazon Kindle mid-February.
The second blog post will be my first 5 pages of my life story—“Hip-Hop Playlist”. This is different from all other memoirs as it’s told from the POV of Slick Rick.
If you couldn’t tell from the titles my signature voice incorporates music into all my works. I use it to not only create a soundscape but include it as a main character. Obviously, my inspiration has always been the music but the film “Atomic Blonde” also played a large part.
If you’re still reading this, THANK YOU. All I’ve ever, ever wanted was to connect with people though my stories as in, I completely suck at it real life. It means the world to me that people can see this gift I sometimes have and not just my mistakes. -KYLE
